yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
