hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
