It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You pole danced in your parka.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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