it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
