oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
