Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
