Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
