so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
