I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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