margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
