Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
