Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
