Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
