I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
