As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
