So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
