using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
