my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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