cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
