You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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