3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
