I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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