My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
