HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
