my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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