I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
