she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
