You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
