I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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