Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
