All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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