Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
