the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
