I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
