physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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