did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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