wrigley field is MILF paradise
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
