Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I am one with the molecules
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
