alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
