i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
