Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
