woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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