that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
