Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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