Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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