I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
