these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
