I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
