I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
