You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
