Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
