all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
