i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
